Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
