so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i think i just lost a toe
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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