Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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