Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
