No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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