Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
