just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
