i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just fell off a train. Bad.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
