Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
