Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
