thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
