my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
