apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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