what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize