Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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