I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
