i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
