If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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