And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
