just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
