she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
please come you make the beer taste better
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
