There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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