at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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