you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
