i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
