Me too!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
