If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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