I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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