you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize