Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
