Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize