Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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