I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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