the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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