just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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