Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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