Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
