You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
