You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize