But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
