Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
