my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
