He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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