thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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