I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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