it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
