that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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