umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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