I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
