A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
