Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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