It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
