On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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