I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
