Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
