i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dignity is for republicans.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
