I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
