If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
