His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A bitchslap is in order.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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