I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
