Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
