God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
