You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Houston, we have a blender
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
