So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
