just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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