ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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