I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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