Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
