I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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