i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
