Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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