Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
