no, he came in my armpit
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize