I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
